Dear Lloyd Dobler,

Remember how you were all "one more time would be nice," and whatnot when Diane said she loved you, that she needed you? You said "Do you need someone or do you need me? It doesn't matter anyway", and gave yourself back to her like the champion of all delusionally-expectationed romantics that you are? Thanks to you (and Cameron Crowe would probably like a mention), I and my kind have purchased countless tickets for a ride on the real thing, as you would have us believe it, and waited to hear our song uncurling on some warm, magical night, finding our ears like we always knew it would, filling the empty spaces in us, around us, until we are humming with goodness.

You know, I can't even do it, Lloyd Dobler. I cannot allow bitterness and inaction on my part to be used against you in some half-assed, overly sarcastic ghost of a diatribe. Fictional though you are, Say Anything remains unassailable. Lloyd Dobler.

Moonbeams and kittens,
The D.L.

Dear unnamed Jordanian man who shot his daughter four times in the head,

There really is no place to start without beginning a perilous journey toward never-ending accusation. We'll have to settle on this: You pretty much exemplify something which cripples humanity. You use the shelter of morally weak, deeply flawed dogmatic structures to commit terrible acts. How can such an act be just? How can such an act pretend to know the will of something like your idea of god?

How could you?
There is wretchedness a-plenty in this world. Way to stoke the fire! It helps us become even more accustomed to impotently watching each other bear such horrors.

Jordan, I'm going to have to call you out on this one. You wish for an earnest reform to seem in place (now that you don't get only SIX FREAKING MONTHS for killing women), yet you allow conservatives to push for sentence leniency for 'honor [sic] killings' while they disregard proposed harsher terms? You need to check the whole "if the penalty isn't too harsh, it will lead to greater promiscuity" faction right the fuck now. With the quickness, as we might say if this were 1987. SERIOUSLY. Are you not sick of people being killed, raped, tortured, abused, or a combination of these and more because of some hypocritical nutjob's overweening vanity? Come on, Jordan-- help make this a world where YOUR FUCKING INSANE FATHER (from whom you've had to run repeatedly) MAY NOT MURDER YOU BECAUSE HE DOESN'T BELIEVE YOU'RE A VIRGIN. Come ON! There is NO defense! No religious or cultural more provides the right to override another's right to not be shot by their morally preening sissy crackpot of a father. I wonder how King Abdullah II and Queen Rania explain the killings each year. What do you say at a cocktail party? A diplomatic event? "Man, we are trying! These people are hillbillies!" For real. Rough stuff.

Also, if I see one more variation of 'an autopsy shows the girl was a virgin'-- dun-DUHN!--I may have to throw in the towel, because it means you are ALL fucking troglodytic wax figures if you think the fucking irony is lost on anyone, or if you don't realize that using such information as a journalistic device entails the galling act of reducing the grievous reasoning therein to a damn 'but she wasn't even lying'-- which is one reason all this is possible! Fuck!

I do apologize for all the fuckings, Jordan. I feel so angry.

Stop killing women.

You are crushing me,
The D.L.