Dear LeBron James,

Serious world issues have been furrowing my brow, and the considerable lather such ills produce has left my weakened brain seeking light release in less serious matters. Like why LeBron James wore a Yankees cap to an Indians (home!) game.

Have you gone mad? Listen LeBron James-- I love you. Really. You represent the zeitgeist being awakened again in the soul of a city that has lost many battles. You represent winning the war. You are exceptionally talented, usually gracious, and as Dr. Von Drinkensnorten would say 'full of win.' It's not the success of your wealth, it's your success we elevate. I feel certain thousands of other Clevelanders feel the same. People here would kick someone's ass for you! You know it's true! These people are insane. Have you never noticed? How could you betray these people? The Indians are a part of this zeitgeist as well, of course, and breaking on the inside is how everything winds up breaking on the outside. Sigh. Totally! Do not break the inside, LeBron James! We trusted you! We believe in you! I know you've borne a great deal of responsibility, but there's more, and this is part of it, dude.

It's not like you can't like the Yankees--if that's your thing--, but you absolutely cannot wear their fucking hat to a playoff home game, or any kind of game involving the other great team from the city you play for! Come on! Nike contract, friends, childhood heroes-- all of these should pale as though drained of all blood when compared to your debt as a local hero and worldwide representative. That's the way the ball bounces, superstar. You have plenty of other time to wear the shit out of that cap, damned though you may be.

So, thanks for your time. You make basketball so much more fun to watch.

I have to go, for we are stomping the Red Sox, and surely on our way to the World Series!


With tender diplomacy,
The D.L.