Tuesday, November 14, 2006

Dear Nancy Pelosi,

It is unlikely that this is the first solicitation of it's kind, but, Nancy Pelosi-- let me help you. We will disregard the sadly funny articles about where you get your hair done, or whom you are headed toward currently in all of your painted, virago-ed glory (See? I just turned a noun into a verb. What can't I do?). Let them abuse your gender while you exploit it. They suggest you're a vain, primping lady? I suggest you're a polished natural leader. They suggest intimations of a harpy were heard? I suggest a decisive voice serves it's charges best.

Let's start with your getups. We need only review the two days following the recent election to see what both of your future strategies regarding sartorial decisions should be, por ejemplo:

Day one. Impeccable! You looked radiant, sophisticated, and authoritative. Your pearls were gorgeous enough to cause a demand. You spoke articulately, and assumed authority with grace.

Day two. Meeting with the President. What should I wear...hmm...I know! My grandmother's Sunday dinner blouse! It's the right combination of matronly, old world, and mildly subservient. It just might work. I feel you, Nancy Pelosi, but you went a little far in your effort to hypnotize the enemy with collars of innocence. It's a smart move if you don't overdo it, but that lady? The one with the huge white collar? The one who was respectably assertive though somewhat lukewarm? That is not you. You are the fire, Nancy Pelosi. Bring it! Use that natural warmth! Mean it!

You're a good speaker, but now you have to be extra careful with how and when you make your speeches. Don't be easily baited. Don't attack without confidence and calm. Regard caricaturizing attacks with reserve. Voice your opinions and agendas with sincerity.

As far as counter attacking is concerned, you really couldn't be working from richer material. Let them call your San Francisco sodom, and then get into some of that D.C. gomorrah, baby!

Think about it, Nancy Pelosi. Think about it.

Best wishes,
The D.L.

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