Tuesday, December 12, 2006

Dear Vladimir Putin,

I'm honestly not sure what to say to you, mostly because you scare the shit out of me. How about this-- will you please stop poisoning people? It's bad enough that here in the U.S. we have to deal with all the crap we've already got going on. Here's something to think about about: you don't have to kill people who disagree with you. Honestly! It's not that bad! I know that each of us would be more comfortable living in a world that limited itself to our goals and ideals, but you can't just poison every motherfucker that writes (or is writing) a book about your differing views and/or political/social/ethical positions. This is by no means an exculpatory moral effort on my part. I know we hurt people. I know we kill them. I just really don't want the added grief of another twenty years of some bullshit cold war (Yeah).

Haven't you realized that the fringes of your old empire are lost? Haven't you realized that you can't win these wars any more than we can win ours? I know the Chechens appear to be all Nokhchi-power to you, but haven't you realized that people move? They live everywhere-- it's a small world, after all-- and no amount of military haste is going to change that. The best we can all do is get our Jack Bauer on, and monitor the chatter. You feel me? There are too many friends folded into the cloaks of our enemies to relegate those enemies into a definitive target. We are in a new world. A globe-trotting, arms-buying, genocidal world. If you identify a real threat--if we do-- off we all go, but no amount of globally-perceived bullying is going to help you.

Step up to the plate, man. Get your perestroika on! Leave your boundaries where you said you would, in 1996, dude. Things change, but they also don't change, and if the sheep's cheese really starts to stink, you won't be all alone in your Kremlin.

The D.L.


Anonymous said...

Don't you know that Putin is really being set up by the former KGB (CIA sponsored) agents who are running the drugs out of Afghanistan to support the ex-nazis running America from the Bohemian Grove!

The D.L. said...

it's true. it's all true. the bay area is the perfect cover, and those suckers lap up their alleged diversity like the delicious foam on a soy latte.

as olivia newton-john would say-- i love you, i honestly love you.

und1sk0 said...

hey look, google stopped sucking. you can have my wine collection in case of death, and the knowledge that as the plane came down i'll be humming "amelia erhart" and thinking of you..

The D.L. said...

that plane will never be torn apart, my friend, or there will be trouble. big, giant trouble for the random universe! btw, i wouldn't go so far as to say stopped sucking. maybe less sucking.