Friday, September 08, 2006

Dear Siena,

Remember how your Museo Della Tortura made me cry? Though i have something of an obsession with the middle ages, you showed me things I was blissfully unaware of. Like the pear. What the fuck was going on back then? Disgusting! If you tried to put a pear-shaped iron torture instrument into any of my orifices, I would come away with at least an eyeball. For reals. I'd push my fingers in as far as they could go...

Listen, Siena-- I know you didn't corner the market on torture or anything. We have new ways to confound a person's nervous system these days, but the old methods are still the best, right? Earlier today I voluntarily endured laser hair removal from my nether regions. The thing is, I'm lazy, and my skin is really sensitive (thus waxing sucks), so I figure-- fuck it-- the pain can't be that bad, right? Wrong. Now that it's over, I feel like it's worth it. However, while it's happening, it is just about the most pain I can handle. Particularly regarding my most delicate of flowers. There is an area near the... forget it. Let's just say it was a lesson in vanity and consumption. Maybe you could add an area for modern self-torture!

Also, It is sort of unfair that there is no "interrogation techniques" chamber, a "we'd like your junk, and here's how we're going to get it" amphitheatre, or a "your religion bites compared to mine" great hall. Think about it.

All things considered, though-- good times! You are lovely, and that lime sorbetto was awesome.

Warm Regards,
The D.L.

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