Tuesday, October 03, 2006

Dear James Lipton,

Listen, man-- I know you're the standard-bearer of pretention in the world of artifice and truth that is the dramatic arts, but will you please, for the love of Brando or something-- stop saying 'The Bard.' Every time you pull it out in an interview it's like you suddenly took off all of your clothes and started reciting french poetry.

Have you ever read any Roz Chast comics? You are the man who was liked for his lack-of-lack-of-pretention. Don't get me wrong, James Lipton, I loves me some pretention. I can be downright apalling when talking some shit, or ordering some wine, but it's too much. Honestly. Most of yours is awesome. Completely refreshing in a world where many people seem loath to celebrate even minor cerebral activity, but 'The Bard?' The pain, James Lipton, the pain.

It's just that 'Shakespeare' sounds so much better, and doesn't infer that you had an intimate relationship at some point. I once had a dream wherein Shakespeare and I flew, superman-style, around the world and hung out with various historical figures, and he never once referred to himself as The Bard, nor did any of his contemporaries in death and the arts. Sure, my dreams are not reliable reference material, but still.

Hopefully next time you will be in my dream. We can all hang out in some sweltering exotic locale wearing tunics like we should, and brouter la salade. We will talk some shit! Until then, I beg you-- no more, James Lipton. No more.

The D.L.


dr von drinkensnorten said...

what sound or noise do you love?

dr von drinkensnorten said...

"daily" letter?

The D.L. said...

too funny.